The Rest of the Story

Well, the end of Project 31 has come and gone.  It was a busy weekend with Kelsey's birthday party, her baptism, and my in-laws coming for a visit.  Somehow things have just seemed really busy since then, and I haven't gotten much blogging done really.

So to answer the big question... how did I do??

My last week of Project 31 was one of the most stressful for me in recent memory.  On Friday, my fridge died.  I discovered it on the way out the door to a dentist appointment for some mouth pain I had been experiencing off and on for several weeks.  Since my trip to California, it had been "on" almost constantly.  At the dentist appointment, I was told that I had a filling that had cracked and chipped, and I now needed a root canal.  That would cost around $1,500 to $1,800.  I'll admit it.  I cried when he told me.  (Embarrassing, right?)  And when I left the dentist's office I was still in as much pain as I had been when I got there - more really, since he'd been messing with my teeth and gums.  But no treatment had actually been given because we'd run out of time.  The rest of that evening was a blur of Girl Scout activities and finally collapsing into bed when I got home.

I didn't want to get out of bed on Saturday.  That's the first time I can ever remember feeling that way.  I was so discouraged.  But Ben had to work and there were kids to take care of, so I didn't have a choice.  I cried some more.  I realized that part of my frustration and emotional distress was the pain that I was still experiencing with no immediate relief in sight.  And we needed to buy a refrigerator with very limited financial resources.  I spent most of the day scouring the internet and running around checking out used fridges from Craigslist.  No dice.

As frustrating as that Saturday was, I realized something very important.  It was after my kids had gone to bed and Ben was at a church meeting, so I was alone in my house.  I started scouring my cupboards and pantry looking for a snack.  I knew I couldn't bake anything sweet, and I don't generally keep junk food in my house.  However, I did find a can of Lays Stax chips that I had gotten on sale recently.  What do you think I ate?  Chips!  And though I didn't eat the whole can or anything like that, I realized that even when you take sugar out of the equation, I am still a very emotional eater.  And when I'm stressed, I turn into a compulsive eater, because I ate other things, too, even though I wasn't hungry: dried apple slices, cereal, etc.

So to fast-forward my miserable weekend a little... It was finally Monday.  Monday night I had my first real deviation from my Project 31 plan.  I had purchased a fridge from Dent and Ding Appliances to be delivered on Tuesday.  My boys were having some leftover ice cream, and I was feeding Maddox his to keep down the mess.  And I ate some of his ice cream.  Not more than 1/4 cup total, but still.  I deviated.  And then I went to a church planning meeting at a friend's house later that night, and someone had brought some high-quality frozen yogurt.  I had some of that, too.

I also ended up stopping the Project early.  Kelsey's party had been moved up to Friday night instead of Saturday, and so I had already decided that it was going to end on the day of Kelsey's party since I was making her cake and frosting.  You can't do that without getting into the frosting, right?  However, I decided on Thursday to stop that day instead.  That was my other failure to stick to plan.  (I guess I should call it Project 29 now, right??)

Despite my less-than-stellar ending of this Project, I am SO GLAD I did it.  The following week was one of desserts and falling back into my poor snacking habits.  And physically, I felt terrible.  I didn't gain a lot of weight back (only about a pound), but I was sleepy every afternoon again felt just as bad as I had before I started the Project.

And now for The Rest of the Story (<-- insert Paul Harvey voice here)

I have decided that I'm going back to that way of life, with a few exceptions.  First, I am not going exclusively dessert-free.  I am allowing myself to prepare a dessert once a week.  I have also decided that there has to be some sort of nutritional value to whatever I eat, which will make it easier for me to be selective when I am at a function and they are serving desserts.  Sure, I can have something - if it's worth it.  For example, I was at a Cub Scout Pack Meeting last night, and ended up sitting next to the dessert table because I came in late.  During the meeting, all I could smell were homemade brownies.  It was brutal, I tell you.  However, the dessert choices were: homemade brownies and sugar cookies, some chocolate molds, and store-bought cookies and cupcakes.  After the meeting was over, I looked at the table and realized there was nothing there that I hadn't had before, packed with nutrition, or would miss terribly if I didn't eat.  So, I didn't have any.

I am beginning to re-learn an important truth:

When we live by a set a standards or principles, we are not limiting our freedom.  We are granting ourselves the freedom to LIVE without being a slave to our passions, appetites and desires.