Monday, March 19 (Day 13)
I have been offered a lot of sweets the last few days. I guess it's part of traveling and visiting. I've noticed that it's a lot harder to say no to boxed chocolates than it is to say no to Nerds. Also, I need to confess. I haven't broken my commitment, but I plan to for one moment on this trip. There's a See's Candy store near my mom's apartment, and I have heard a lot about See's chocolates from my west coast friends. I have never had it before. My mother is planning on buying some for some family members we'll be visiting, and apparently everyone who comes in the store gets a free sample. Considering this might very well be my one and only chance to try this chocolate, I am making the exception. There's a part of me that wonders if I'm just rationalizing for a chance at chocolate this month, but the larger part of me doesn't think so. The only other alternative for me is to buy it and keep it for two weeks until this project is over, but I'm not sure I want to pack it in my luggage for the trip home, either. We'll see what happens when I get there, I guess.
Tuesday, March 27 (Day 21)
It's amazing how fast this week has gone. I guess it's because I've been traveling. I got home after eating out at least once a day for just about my entire trip. I confess: I didn't skip the fries. I didn't even really eat less than I have before. But I did skip the desserts and the ice cream. As it turned out, I went to See's twice while I was in California for legitimate reasons. And yes, I ate the sample both times. It was worth it. And even with all my eating out and the snacking in the car while I was driving to stay awake, I still came home at the same weight I left. I consider that a success. As of today, I have lost about 5 pounds since starting this 21 days ago. Also success. And I will say again as I have said before... food is no longer a big drama thing for me. I don't agonize over what I can eat and what I can't. I'm not counting my calories, and I'm not even getting much structures exercise, though I am trying to be more active. Could this really become my life? And could I be healthy doing it??
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Well, the end of Project 31 has come and gone. It was a busy weekend with Kelsey's birthday party, her baptism, and my in-laws coming for a visit. Somehow things have just seemed really busy since then, and I haven't gotten much blogging done really.
So to answer the big question... how did I do??
My last week of Project 31 was one of the most stressful for me in recent memory. On Friday, my fridge died. I discovered it on the way out the door to a dentist appointment for some mouth pain I had been experiencing off and on for several weeks. Since my trip to California, it had been "on" almost constantly. At the dentist appointment, I was told that I had a filling that had cracked and chipped, and I now needed a root canal. That would cost around $1,500 to $1,800. I'll admit it. I cried when he told me. (Embarrassing, right?) And when I left the dentist's office I was still in as much pain as I had been when I got there - more really, since he'd been messing with my teeth and gums. But no treatment had actually been given because we'd run out of time. The rest of that evening was a blur of Girl Scout activities and finally collapsing into bed when I got home.
I didn't want to get out of bed on Saturday. That's the first time I can ever remember feeling that way. I was so discouraged. But Ben had to work and there were kids to take care of, so I didn't have a choice. I cried some more. I realized that part of my frustration and emotional distress was the pain that I was still experiencing with no immediate relief in sight. And we needed to buy a refrigerator with very limited financial resources. I spent most of the day scouring the internet and running around checking out used fridges from Craigslist. No dice.
As frustrating as that Saturday was, I realized something very important. It was after my kids had gone to bed and Ben was at a church meeting, so I was alone in my house. I started scouring my cupboards and pantry looking for a snack. I knew I couldn't bake anything sweet, and I don't generally keep junk food in my house. However, I did find a can of Lays Stax chips that I had gotten on sale recently. What do you think I ate? Chips! And though I didn't eat the whole can or anything like that, I realized that even when you take sugar out of the equation, I am still a very emotional eater. And when I'm stressed, I turn into a compulsive eater, because I ate other things, too, even though I wasn't hungry: dried apple slices, cereal, etc.
So to fast-forward my miserable weekend a little... It was finally Monday. Monday night I had my first real deviation from my Project 31 plan. I had purchased a fridge from Dent and Ding Appliances to be delivered on Tuesday. My boys were having some leftover ice cream, and I was feeding Maddox his to keep down the mess. And I ate some of his ice cream. Not more than 1/4 cup total, but still. I deviated. And then I went to a church planning meeting at a friend's house later that night, and someone had brought some high-quality frozen yogurt. I had some of that, too.
I also ended up stopping the Project early. Kelsey's party had been moved up to Friday night instead of Saturday, and so I had already decided that it was going to end on the day of Kelsey's party since I was making her cake and frosting. You can't do that without getting into the frosting, right? However, I decided on Thursday to stop that day instead. That was my other failure to stick to plan. (I guess I should call it Project 29 now, right??)
Despite my less-than-stellar ending of this Project, I am SO GLAD I did it. The following week was one of desserts and falling back into my poor snacking habits. And physically, I felt terrible. I didn't gain a lot of weight back (only about a pound), but I was sleepy every afternoon again felt just as bad as I had before I started the Project.
And now for The Rest of the Story (<-- insert Paul Harvey voice here)
I have decided that I'm going back to that way of life, with a few exceptions. First, I am not going exclusively dessert-free. I am allowing myself to prepare a dessert once a week. I have also decided that there has to be some sort of nutritional value to whatever I eat, which will make it easier for me to be selective when I am at a function and they are serving desserts. Sure, I can have something - if it's worth it. For example, I was at a Cub Scout Pack Meeting last night, and ended up sitting next to the dessert table because I came in late. During the meeting, all I could smell were homemade brownies. It was brutal, I tell you. However, the dessert choices were: homemade brownies and sugar cookies, some chocolate molds, and store-bought cookies and cupcakes. After the meeting was over, I looked at the table and realized there was nothing there that I hadn't had before, packed with nutrition, or would miss terribly if I didn't eat. So, I didn't have any.
I am beginning to re-learn an important truth:
When we live by a set a standards or principles, we are not limiting our freedom. We are granting ourselves the freedom to LIVE without being a slave to our passions, appetites and desires.